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Bête à bouffer des glands (La Dolce Via)

lundi 9 mars 2026, par Gérald Bourbié

« C’était un de ces jours froids et tristes où les cœurs se serrent, où les esprits s’irritent, où l’âme est sombre, où la main ne s’ouvre ni pour donner ni pour secourir » (Guy de Maupassant, Le gueux (1884)

1- Les Albanais sont un peuple qui doit sa réputation à son aptitude à chasser les intrus. Aucun autre peuple ne lui arrive à la cheville en la matière – Ottomans, Serbes, Italiens, Allemands, Soviétiques, Chinois... On serait porté à penser que c’est cette capacité de vomir l’envahisseur ou l’indésirable qui constitue le ciment le plus solide de leur identité collective... Et puis voici qu’aujourd’hui ils semblent prêts à vendre le meilleur de leur côtes maritimes aux proches de Trump (pour y construire des horreurs de marinas de style floridien), après avoir cédé des portions de terre ferme à Meloni, en vue d’y installer des centres de rétention... On tombe de haut – depuis quand l’Albanie est-elle à vendre à la découpe ?

2- Paul Léautaud (1872-1956), épris des animaux, vivant entouré de dizaines de chats et de chiens et consacrant à l’achat de leur nourriture l’essentiel de ses ressources, était convaincu que la rage était une pure et simple invention de Louis Pasteur, exclusivement destinée à nuire à ses ami.e.s les bêtes.

3- Souvenir d’enfance : après avoir mangé un artichaud, il était recommandé de boire un grand verre d’eau. L’eau avait alors une saveur rare, délicieuse. Impossible de retrouver cette sensation aujourd’hui ; alors de deux choses l’une : soit les artichautds ne sont plus ce qu’ils étaient, soit l’eau est trop polluée – à moins que l’un ne se combine à l’autre.

4- On peut imaginer qu’avec la généralisation du traitement de texte, à la fin du siècle dernier, M. Tipp-ex en aurait été réduit à se tirer une balle dans la tête, direct. Pas du tout, il vend désormais des souris, appellées Tipp-ex mini pocket mouse.

5- De l’inconvénient de faire des blagues quand on a affaire à des incultes : Lorsque Mélenchon, dans un discours où il évoque l’affaire Epstein, se laisse aller à gloser sur la prononciation du patronyme du prédateur sexuel, il est bien évident pour quiconque aime le cinéma qu’il a en mémoire un gag célèbre, issu d’un film lui-même ultra-célèbre – Frankenstein junior de Mel Brooks (1974), là où l’arrière-petit fils du docteur Frankenstein émigré aux États-Unis corrige son interlocuteur qui prononce son nom à l’allemande, lui opposant la prononciation à l’américaine. Une blague intégralement juive, soit dit en passant, ayant en arrière-plan l’assimilation des Juifs est-européens dans le Nouveau Monde, une blague yiddish, à propos d’un personnage littéraire qui, lui, n’est pas spécialement juif.

6- Évidemment, la blague de Mélenchon, incrustée dans le gag du film de Mel Brooks, lui-même aussi juif qu’il est permis, n’est pas plus antisémite que ce film et son auteur. Juste de l’intertexte. Mais de cela, les terroristes intellectuels qui nous régentent n’ont cure – ce sont des tueurs froids qui font flèche de tout bois. Ou bien alors, au mieux, des petits soldats de l’idéologie tellement ineptes qu’ils n’ont même pas vu le film de Mel Brooks. Ce qui vérifie l’adage selon lequel on peut rire de tout, mais pas avec n’importe qui ; ou bien, si l’on préfère, offrir de bonnes blagues aux mafaisants, c’est vraiment donner de la confiture aux cochons.

7- En revanche, la reprise de la blague à propos de Raphaël Gluckmann est, elle, carrément de trop. On peut tout reprocher à cet énergumène, sauf son nom. Bis repetita non placent.

8- Pour une politique des cadeaux (offre et acceptation) : se demander, quand on reçoit un cadeau, combien de minutes, d’heures, de journées de travail il représente pour la personne qui vous le fait. S’il ne lui a rien coûté, ne pas lui accorder trop d’importance. Les cadeaux sont rarement désintéressés. Les gens font souvent des cadeaux pour se rendre intéressants. Les cadeaux sont souvent à double fond.

9- Dire que le parvenu juif est un personnage clé de la modernité occidentale, est-ce antisémite ? Si oui, deux livres à brûler, d’urgence : Jud Süss, de Leon Feuchtwanger et La tradition cachée, d’Hannah Arendt, un peu juifs l’un et l’autre, quand même. Sans oublier : l’œuvre complète d’Irène Nemirovsky (David Golder, etc.)

10- Oblomov est de retour. Le voici même en passe de devenir le héros de l’époque. Caractéristiques : il est l’artiste du couché, la marmotte du soulèvement, le type qui se repose de sa sieste. Quand il lui arrive de penser, de lire, d’écrire même, ce ne peut être que couché. Il a désappris à marcher. Il dort tout habillé – mais c’est qu’il ne sait plus la différence entre le jour et la nuit. Quand il se lève, c’est pour pisser ou pour manger, renversant tout sur son passage, en pachyderme myope qu’il est devenu. Perpétuellement branché sur les réseaux, les yeux wide shut ;on ne sait jamais s’il dort ou s’il est en immersion prolongée dans CNews, juste pour voir...

11- Se dire qu’avec Trump et son gang national et international, c’est une Guerre de Cent ans qui commence – ou alors qui continue en s’intensifiant. Se dire qu’on mourra sans en voir la fin, de mort violente ou naturelle, selon la tournure que prendra l’affaire. Se dire que désormais, toute paix apparente est pur mensonge. Mais ce désormais est lui-même mensonger – cela fait un moment, déjà, que ça dure.

12- Aujourd’hui, c’est le système qui organise lui-même, sans médiations, le champ des vérités. Qui y fait prévaloir les règles selon lesquelles le vrai se sépare du faux. Et qui sévit contre tout ce qui y contrevient. On s’y habitue, comme aux bombardements de Trump ici ou ailleurs.

13- Manifesté, solitaire, hier soir, devant le McDo du coin, en protestation contre l’assassinat du Guide Suprême. Démonstration silencieuse et statique, sans pancarte ni banderole, sur le trottoir, à l’entrée du McDo, une bonne demi-heure durant. Entré ensuite d’un pas décidé dans l’établissement et commandé un Mcveggie giant. Le militantisme, mine de rien, ça creuse.

14- Coordination rurale : des tracteurs, certes, mais des détracteurs aussi, nombreux et non sans raison.

15- Dans la boîte noire des gangsters : imprévisibilité des actions et usage unilatéral de la force en vue de la production du chaos – voici résumé en peu de mots l’essentiel de la conduite des affaires du monde par Trump et sa bande. Mais voici ce qui complique l’affaire : la stratégie, cela relève du calcul, cela exige une tête froide. Avec Trump (l’agent du chaos), le problème est que celui-ci est dans sa tête en premier lieu – ses revirements, ses changements de pied au gré des interlocuteurs qu’il rencontre sont devenus proverbiaux. Le chaos dans le monde résulte donc du chaos dans un cerveau malade, combiné à des calculs. Ce ne sont pas les froids calculateurs qui manquent, et qui s’entendent à tirer le meilleur profit de la confusion mentale au poste de commande et des accès de surchauffe qui vont avec.

16- En France, on est loin d’avoir touché le fond, puisqu’on n’a eu aux affaires, jusqu’ici, que la copie – l’original étant encore à venir. Or, l’exemple des Etats-Unis montre qu’en dépit de tout, un gouffre peut séparer la copie (Biden) de l’original (Trump II) – la perpétuelle procrastination d’un côté, les chevaux de l’Apocalypse de l’autre. Le pire est encore à venir et tout se passe comme si le pire pouvait désormais s’envisager au superlatif – le pire du pire – les fascistes, les vrais, parachevant leur Marche sur Rome et disposant enfin des moyens de l’État.

17- À l’occasion de la récente agression conjointe des Etats-Unis et d’Israël contre l’Iran, l’orwellisation des démocraties occidentales et assimilées a fait un grand pas en avant : dans une déclaration commune, le président de la République française, le chancelier allemand et le premier ministre britannique expriment « leur consternation vis-à-vis des attaques de missiles indiscriminées et disproportionnées lancées par l’Iran » (2/03/2026). Les toutous emboîtent le pas : le Ministère des Affaires étrangères de la République de Chine (Taïwan) condamne les « attaques indiscriminées » de l’Iran contre d’autres nations (Taipei Times, 3/03/2026).

18- Clémenceau disait en substance, après la Première guerre mondiale : les récits continueront à varier à l’infini quant à l’analyse du conflit et l’attribution des responsabilités, mais il est en tout cas une chose qu’on ne pourra pas dire – que c’est la Belgique qui a envahi l’Allemagne en août 1914.

19- Il se trompait lourdement : aujourd’hui, on peut le dire, tranquillement, et les journaux télévisés suivent – pas en Corée du Nord, ici et maintenant.

20- Récupérer un exemplaire en livre de poche du Manifeste communiste dans une boîte à livres égarée en terre de mission du RN, c’est comme un sauvetage en mer. Ou alors comme récupérer un chat affamé et grelottant sur un trottoir, à la manière de Léautaud.

21- Mais de quoi donc cette manière qu’ont désormais les personnages publics, promptement imités par le commun des mortels, de s’excuser à longueur de temps, à propos de tout et n’importe quoi, est-elle le symptôme ? Allons, excusez-vous de vivre, une bonne fois pour toutes...

22- Différence entre Trump et Calliclès, son ancêtre : dans Le Gorgias, Calliclès, le furieux partisan de la force inscrite dans « l’ordre de la nature », se moque souvent de Socrate, le moraliste – mais il entre en conversation avec lui, l’écoute, objecte, acquiesce parfois. Trump, lui, écoute Netanyahou et passe à l’acte. Il n’a pas de temps à perdre en discussions.

23- Vous croisez un type et vous lui jetez le coup d’œil classique de la civil inattention – un passant, rien de plus, rien de moins. Mais le type a un problème – il perçoit tout regard en sa direction comme une menace et vous interpelle : « Qu’est-ce que t’as à me regarder, toi ? ». Rien ne sert alors de nier, on a bien regardé – mais le regard glissant de la civil inattention n’est pas un regard intentionnel, ce n’est qu’un automatisme immunitaire. On ne peut pas expliquer la civil inattention à un paranoïaque. Ne restent donc que deux options : faire face, au risque d’un affrontement, ou prendre ses jambes à son cou.

24- Avantage des livres récupérés dans les boîtes : ils sont souvent demeurés cornés à la page où le lecteur précédent les a abandonnés. On sait alors à quoi s’en tenir – mais sur le livre ou sur le lecteur ?

Gérald Bourbié

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